In Search for The One

I don’t know about men, but as a girl (well, OK, woman) I strongly believe that finding ‘The One’ true love, soulmate, better half, or whatever you fancy calling it requires a bit of hard work and determination.

A lot of people say “I’ll leave it to fate and let God make arrangements for me.”

OK, listen here, missy. And listen good.

It is true that ‘jodoh’ (life partner/mate/spouse) is God’s miraculous piece of work. However…

Just like other successes in life that you’d like to achieve, finding a life partner works the same way. You have to put in effort, coupled with some faith in God (if you’re a believer) or the Universe – whichever works for you.

A potential suitor will not fall on your lap just by ‘leaving it to fate’. That’s just plain lazy right there. Do you wait and wish for money to come pouring on you? You work for it, yes or YES? The same thing applies here.


(image source: Google images)


The difference is there’s a lot of emotions and hormones tossed around when it comes to relationships. Heartbreaks and trust issues repel people from wanting to try again in seeking for love. Bad experiences sometimes just cling on you, and it seems like it will never go away. Or, simply the lack of self-esteem stops you from even trying.

I know exactly how it feels. I’m no love expert nor have I always been lucky in love. But because I strongly believe that a person has to go through some rotten fruits to stumble upon that one good, glossy apple, I kept going (with a substantial amount of misfortunes in between).

I know some of you will say “It’ll be much easier if I was prettier. Pretty people always get it easy.” Newsflash – you’re wrong. Everyone has their fair share of challenges fated upon them. Handsome men do not necessarily always get pretty girls, or vice versa. They may lack in personality. They may be boring souls after you’ve had a conversation with them. The chubby chick sitting at that corner right there might have more brownie points for outstanding personality than the doll faced girl that has more Instagram followers than your annual salary. A pretty face is not the sole solution to snagging a suitor! It’s definitely a booster, but it’s not the answer to your problems.


The Scavenger Hunt

When I was younger, (somewhat wild and free) my friends and I did what most urbanites did – we loved the partying scene and we would hit any social events that appealed to us. As much as it was fun and exciting, it wasn’t the most ideal place to find a decent life partner. Party mates, definitely, but someone to settle down with – I was indeed in the wrong pond.


(image source: Google images)


After about a decade of being in and out of romantic relationships, experiencing highs and lows of self-esteem, I resorted to other [healthier] channels such as social gatherings for professionals, joined the sports club in the company I worked for, played Saturday basketball at University Malaya with the boys, tried out speed dating events and expanded my network just by making new friends.

Although I made new friends of the opposite gender, I still couldn’t find the one that I clicked with, or if I did, he probably didn’t click with me [romantically]. Did I feel like giving up? Hell yeah, many, many times.

It drains you when you’re too worked up to make the budding relationship work. Potential suitors sense it when you’re trying too hard – it drives them away. Eventually I learned to take it easy, with ‘no expectations’. It was no longer overwhelming.


Opening Up to New Possibilities

A couple of friends nudged me to try the online dating site ‘Tinder’. It’s very much like speed dating, just that it’s done online. I hated the idea of online dating at first. I pre-judged it and had my set of negative thoughts about it before even giving it a shot. After several rounds of coaxing, I gave in, and pretty much got myself hooked.

Apparently many feel that Tinder is a place to find one-night-stands. Well, to each his own. Get your intentions in place – filter out sleaze bags by stating outright in your profile description that you’re not in for any hanky-panky stuff. You can also gage whether your Tinder match is up to no good after a few conversations. Honey, your gullibility is something you need to sort out yourself. It works the same for the people you get to know on Facebook too, or any social media channel for that matter. It’s every individual’s responsibility to do their own due diligence.


(image source: Google images)


After a few left and right swipes on Tinder, I finally met someone who I could call ‘The One’. Long story short, we got married about a year later after we met. If I were to stick to my stubbornness of despising online dating, I would probably still be searching for a nice bloke to call husband.


Don’t Say No Before You Try

Everyone has their sets of beliefs about how they’d like to meet the right person they can spend the rest of their life with. If you’re currently stuck in a rut, and the search is going nowhere – open up your heart to new avenues. You never know where it’ll lead to. Have a little faith in happiness 🙂


(image source: Google images)


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